MISC : Children's Cannibalism Corporation

TO: All Employees
FROM: Brian Fisher—Children's Cannibalism Corporation ® CEO
DATE: October 01, 2003
SUBJECT: Monthly Memo

 

Greetings, all employees:

For those of you who are new to the Children's Cannibalism Corporation ® (CCC), this is just the monthly memo giving you an update and briefing you on current developments within our corporation. It will be delivered on the first of every month through email, and you are strongly suggested to read through this thoroughly so you know what is going on with our company. On matters requiring your urgent attention, an emergency memo would be emailed to you with the subject "Emergency Memo", but most of these monthly ones will be delivered only to update you on current events within our company.

I am pleased to announce that overall, things seem to be running smoothly over at the CCC. Profits have increased slightly over the past month, and we have had a substantial increase in revenue since the beginning of this company, just one year ago. For that, I thank each of you for doing your part in keeping this dream alive, just as I thank each of our valuable customers for keeping us in business all of this time. In the past month, unfortunately, there have been a few setbacks that I feel it is imperative that you all know about.

First of all, I know that this will come as a shock to you, and that it saddens us all greatly, but unfortunately, we had to have Robert Thomas killed. He's worked for us for six months now and has become very popular around here, and that is what makes his sudden betrayal the most painful. Unfortunately, Thomas became a traitor to our firm. Worse, he was an undercover cop gathering enough information to shut our firm down and have us all locked away for the rest of our lives. Not only is such activity a danger to us, but to our customers as well, for although we do not keep records of our transactions, given the illegal nature of our business, we must believe that it might be possible for them to track down at least the customers that we are currently doing business with. Although we take great care to keep them anonymous, we must excercise all caution on their behalf as well as our own. And so, to protect all of us, I have used my mafia connections to have Robert Thomas killed and all the evidence linking us to the brutal crimes against the children we abduct destroyed. Currently, he is floating either in a sewer or murky river somewhere, and will be considered missing by his precinct as well as his friends and family, unless by some chance his decomposing corpse is discovered, and even then, the mafia took great care to wash the corpse of any forensic details. Thank God for their rigid professionalism in such matters. Robert Thomas will be remembered by us with a mixture of embarrassment and scorn for having had us all fooled for so long. We should all take added precaution to make sure that this type of situation isn't repeated, because next time we might not be so lucky. For those responsible for the hiring of new employees, I suggest a much thorough screening on all future potential employees before bringing them into our inner circle, because under the circumstances and purpose surrounding the CCC, we simply cannot take any chances.

I also wish to comment on is the cleanliness and overall quality of our products. Here at the CCC, we take great pride in knowing that our clientel will be ingesting in only the freshest and highest quality of dead children, therefore, I must bring this issue up to make sure that our quality doesn't slide. Our customers are paying us a great deal of cash; it is up to us to make sure that we deliver what is promised. All children we kidnap must be properly screened and sanitized to prevent the spread of infection disease. Also, I understand that a lot of the employees here at the CCC are pedophiles and use your positions as a chance to live out your sometimes violent sexual fantasies with children, and that is perfectly okay. However, I ask that you do not greatly damage the corpse of the child, for it must remain intact when we deliver it to our customers. That means that after you are done with the intercourse, you must clean up the mess. Make sure that there isn't a trace of semen anywhere on the body of the child; that means a thorough scrubbing of all the child's orifices before they are packaged and prepared for delivery.

Please do not allow our success to cloud your judgement and make you overly confident. Thus far, we have been lucky in that while law enforcement agencies have some idea of what is going on here (and they may try to send in another spy, so we should be on the lookout for something like that in the future) they have no concrete case against any of us. It is important that we keep it this way and not draw any undue attention toward our organization. This means that you must make sure that you are discreet when kidnapping the children. Whenever possible, kidnap a child that you would have absolutely no connection to whatsoever, because that will make it that much more unlikely that the police or federal agents will trace the kidnapping back to you. Schools are a lucrative source for children. However, it is important that when you go this route, you make sure that during recess, there are no teachers around that will take notice of what's going on and try to intervene. Also, try not to take the child against his or her will, because then they are more likely to cry out and scream, thus drawing attention to the situation. Instead, gain their trust and get them to go into your car willingly. If you must break into someone's house to kidnap a kid from his or her bedroom, try not to make a great deal of noise that will wake up the parents. Remaining discreet is absolutely imperative.

Thank you for taking the time to read through this memo, and for the loyalty and devotion each of you have shown toward the CCC over the past year. Together, we can keep the dream alive for many years to come. Thank you, and have a nice day.