THE JOHNNY BASTARD FILES : The Children

I was watching America's Most Wanted the other day just for amusement and to laugh at all the victims that were shown, the ones totally screwed by the criminals presented on that show. It seems like they are always showing something about a predator of children on that show, a pedophile. And I ask myself upon seeing the "story" of these criminals: How could anyone POSSIBLY have sex with a child? I've been around the Internet a dozen times over, and I have seen just about every single bizarre fetish and sexual fantasy that they have websites for. I can safely say that I have at least some understand as to why the perverts are turned on by whatever it is they are turned on by. But one thing I can't understand is just what in the fucking hell could possibly to sexually appealing about children?! I mean, just look at them! They're all butt ugly. They smell like huge bags of dog shit! They're loud and obnoxious. In the dictionary, they should put a child's picture next the definition of the word annoying, because that's all they are to me. I just don't understand the attraction at all.

Myself, I fucking HATE children.

Ask me if I'm racist and I would say: No, I'm not racist. I hate everyone equally. But perhaps that's not entirely accurate. Sure, I'm a racist in that I hate the entire human race, but otherwise, I'm no bigot. My disgust for you will never be weighed upon the color of your skin, what God (if any) you pray to, what you do with your genitals, or what genitals you have. Your very presence is enough to make me vomit profusely no matter who you are.

However, I think that I can say that in some ways I do discriminate, is what I'm trying to say. After all, if you're a child, then my hatred for you will be multiplied ten fold. I hate children, I hate babies, and I hate youth in general. Kill them all, I say! And don't have anymore. We've got enough douche bag motherfuckers running around the planet. I say we make it mandatory that every male over the age of twelve worldwide get a vasectomy—hell, I've already gotten one. That'll take care of the problem of human breeding. If I were dictator, you can bet your ass I'd make that into law. Penalty for failure to abide by it can result in the death of not only the boy and his parents, but the entire family as well.

Unfortunately, plenty of damage has already been done...too much, by the looks of it. At work I'm surrounded by children, whom I try very hard to completely avoid. One of the hazards of being a janitor at an elementary school. And I'm still wondering just what the hell I'd been smoking when I agreed to that occupation. Oh well, at least I'm not a teacher—they have it so much worse, and I'd pity them if I were capable of feeling any sympathy at all for my fellow human being.

I look at all these charities on TV: Save the Children? Fuck no, I'd much rather kill the children, but you can't do that without putting your freedom at risk. You have no idea the extent of my admiration for child-killers for having the balls to do what needs to be done. With a population of over six billion, I'd say we've got way too many people running around; best to get rid of them when they're young and innocent sometimes. I only wish that I had the courage to do what's necessary. Child molesters just don't cut it either, I say; and as I said at the beginning of this rant, they'd have to be pretty fucked up in the head to want to fuck those wreched little creatures. But hey, who am I to judge?

And why wait until they're children? That's too long, I say. Kill them when they're babies, too. The only thing I like about babies is that they're so damn easy to kill. All you have to do is drop it on its head or shake up a little too hard or apply pressure with your thumb into the soft spot on top of their head. Last week I was at the laundry mat, drying my cloths, and some bimbo of a mother came in with her screaming baby. As though my headache wasn't bad enough, that screaming baby fucking exacerbated the throbbing, aching pain. I wanted nothing more than to knock that stupid cunt unconscious, steal her baby, and throw it into the fucking dryer with my cloths. Yeah, that'd really make my day watching that baby roasting alive, while it was thrown about and mangled by the dryer's spin mechanism. Sure, it'd be screaming even louder and more shrilly than before, but given the circumstances, its cries would be music to my ears. It almost be worth the consequences of being in prison for the rest of my life. But not quite. And that's why I'm very grateful that I was able to keep myself under control. But it was still a struggle, let me tell you and I was very sorely tempted...

Now, I know what some of you might be saying: "Oh, but Mister Bastard, how can you hate children when you yourself used to be a child?" A pretty fucking stupid question, but I'll answer it anyway. Yes, I was a child, but that was a very long time ago, and I've long since move passed that horrid phase of life. I hate children and that's all there is to it, okay? Can you self-righteous, high-horse pieces of shit deal with that? Well, I don't care, because I hate them anyway! I hated kids even when I was a kid myself. As a child, I hated myself for being a kid and used to beat the shit out of myself all the time.

Protect the children? Fuck that banal concept and fuck the children, too. I won't protect them at all but will instead fart in their general direction.

 

January 19, 2002

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